I havent cum yet. It seems a small thing but i'm already surprised i could hold that long. It's encouraging. The pain of the first days have left, maybe because i wanked, edging me to the point of some pre-cum. I dont know if it's not a bit of a cheat, but technically i did not enjoyed the pleasure of a good orgasm so far.
sometimes i feel some itch in my ass, probably the prostate. Like if it has been stimulated or like after a fuck. I wonder how it would be to be fucked but still maintain this rule of non cumming (usually i'm soft and dont wank when fucked, because my pleasure is moved from my cock to my ass, and dont cum unless if i wank afterwards)
i still feel horny and my cock is very responsive (under the shower, in bed, even when i go peeing). I still remember how i loved to wank and cum before sleep so it's also a bit frustrating sometimes, but i guess its part of the lesson of learning whats good, and that i may need to earn it.
i created a profile on a specific sm website to have some contacts, exchange and maybe find a trainer. I was surprised to get quite some contacts in a short time. Some interesting, some less. One of them very. A strong built master close to my area. We had a nice and open exchange, though its still mysterious how to serve him and what he expects. I'm intrigued and may meet him hopefully.
1/1/11
12/30/10
cum controlled : day 2
since december 28th, 2010, i'm under cum control. In fact its much cum denial. The goal that has been assigned to me is to come from one jizz a day to one jizz a week for now. Of course, better if i could go directly to one week without any ejaculation.
the other assignment i received is to eat my load.
so how did i ended up here ? and how is it as of today ?
In a previous post i already said that i was under a no sex except wanking time of my life for the last pas 2 years minimum. It ended up few days ago when i came back to europe for a holiday trip back to my home country. I fucked a good bottom, and that was great. yay. At that point i was back to my former love of top-ing bottoms. I hadnt all the fucks i wanted, also because i had several things to do and friends to see, but the one i had with a slut bottom was a great time. Probably because of this "back to top" thing that was on its way for the last several weeks, i stopped shavin my body hair except nipples and balls.
So why i'm back here on my dark side bottom blog ?
Well, there's irony in life... Few days after that i got back in touch with a nasty top i chatted with now and then in the past. He is a young dom top, but has a wild imagination, is very demanding and hard to satisfy. He is a tough master and is expectations are high. I think i have a true fascination for him, even if i never mat him yet, and cant explain why. I had several abuse from him in the past (cbt, shavin, hole workout) and i'm always wet when i'm exchanging with him. Each time i feel like a pup with him and that my place is to crawl, be gagged, shaven, hole fucked or whatever. I wish i could meet/serve him better, but i have my limitations.
So as you understood, he is a master i have an intriguing crush on...
What makes him more hotter is i think he love big cock slaves, especially if they are former top. I think he loves the satisfaction of breaking a top and bringing him to a full hole bottom. I must admit i love the idea to be trained that way. He told me he has a regular bottom, and after a year of training cant get hard for butts but only for pain, submission and bottoming.
After a few message exchanged, he reminded me that in his opinion, as a cunt (he calls me that way or bitch) i should eat my cum. His slave is only allowed once a week, cum on the floor and lick everything.
As i'm sharing, in the end of my holidays, a hotel room, i had no chance to wank and unload my cum one night. I notified the Master of that and asked what was more important : trash my cum in my mouth or hold it in my balls. And ended up with my second assignment : holding cum is more important, minimum a week. If cumming : eating it.
after one day and two night without my usual daily jizz i'm quite horny with aching balls.
yesterday evening i ended up showering and soaping my asshole to massage it for some minutes. It felt so good and relieved a little the pressure. I think i'll do that back today...
My balls are now in an excruciating pain, specially when i walk and sit. It's like having someone grabbing them and squeeze all day. They are loaded, heavy, hard and VERY sensitive. Pain and discomfort extends to lower belly and inside asshole.
I must say though i was willing to comply i was a bit afraid of this pain and franticly search online about cum control and denial at night. It seems the "blueball" feeling is normal at the beginning of a cum denial cycle (some men seem to have whistanded 30 days or more !! i'm fuckin impressed but relieved)
So there i am now. Horny. Often hard as hell. Painful golf balls.
I hope the pain will lower in the next days but as i tend to be hard more often, i'm not sure about that.
I'm thinking of a chastity device now... and i'm wondering how it would be if i was fucked hard in this condition now...
the other assignment i received is to eat my load.
so how did i ended up here ? and how is it as of today ?
In a previous post i already said that i was under a no sex except wanking time of my life for the last pas 2 years minimum. It ended up few days ago when i came back to europe for a holiday trip back to my home country. I fucked a good bottom, and that was great. yay. At that point i was back to my former love of top-ing bottoms. I hadnt all the fucks i wanted, also because i had several things to do and friends to see, but the one i had with a slut bottom was a great time. Probably because of this "back to top" thing that was on its way for the last several weeks, i stopped shavin my body hair except nipples and balls.
So why i'm back here on my dark side bottom blog ?
Well, there's irony in life... Few days after that i got back in touch with a nasty top i chatted with now and then in the past. He is a young dom top, but has a wild imagination, is very demanding and hard to satisfy. He is a tough master and is expectations are high. I think i have a true fascination for him, even if i never mat him yet, and cant explain why. I had several abuse from him in the past (cbt, shavin, hole workout) and i'm always wet when i'm exchanging with him. Each time i feel like a pup with him and that my place is to crawl, be gagged, shaven, hole fucked or whatever. I wish i could meet/serve him better, but i have my limitations.
So as you understood, he is a master i have an intriguing crush on...
What makes him more hotter is i think he love big cock slaves, especially if they are former top. I think he loves the satisfaction of breaking a top and bringing him to a full hole bottom. I must admit i love the idea to be trained that way. He told me he has a regular bottom, and after a year of training cant get hard for butts but only for pain, submission and bottoming.
After a few message exchanged, he reminded me that in his opinion, as a cunt (he calls me that way or bitch) i should eat my cum. His slave is only allowed once a week, cum on the floor and lick everything.
As i'm sharing, in the end of my holidays, a hotel room, i had no chance to wank and unload my cum one night. I notified the Master of that and asked what was more important : trash my cum in my mouth or hold it in my balls. And ended up with my second assignment : holding cum is more important, minimum a week. If cumming : eating it.
after one day and two night without my usual daily jizz i'm quite horny with aching balls.
yesterday evening i ended up showering and soaping my asshole to massage it for some minutes. It felt so good and relieved a little the pressure. I think i'll do that back today...
My balls are now in an excruciating pain, specially when i walk and sit. It's like having someone grabbing them and squeeze all day. They are loaded, heavy, hard and VERY sensitive. Pain and discomfort extends to lower belly and inside asshole.
I must say though i was willing to comply i was a bit afraid of this pain and franticly search online about cum control and denial at night. It seems the "blueball" feeling is normal at the beginning of a cum denial cycle (some men seem to have whistanded 30 days or more !! i'm fuckin impressed but relieved)
So there i am now. Horny. Often hard as hell. Painful golf balls.
I hope the pain will lower in the next days but as i tend to be hard more often, i'm not sure about that.
I'm thinking of a chastity device now... and i'm wondering how it would be if i was fucked hard in this condition now...
9/5/10
Centers of (sexual) interest (2)
...following of my list of "what am i into ?"...
funny sometimes that when you do or say something you totally forget the most important things :
undies : i have a huge crush about underwear. not to the point of being aroused by undies themselves but i love to wear sexy underwear : thong, bikinis, micro-shorty, joscktrap.... i have tons. favourite brands : N2N, olaf benz, manstore... my collection extends to swimwear too. i should make a picture inventory someday :)
massages : i love being massaged. u dont get a lot from me after that though, as it makes me all relaxed and kinda sleepy. but i love that and have a great skin for that i was told... (i do massage too but kinda lazy)
rimmed : its great to have a long rimming n hole kissing. I appreciate the real thing, the one that non shy guys do, that is tongue fuck the hole and deep kissing it.
suck : yeah i suck. it's great to oral please a top, whorship his cock. I think my mouth definitely needs more training, as i wish i could deepthroat and being mouth fucked. it is said it depends most on practise, dunno if its true. any trainer out there ? ;-)
... to be continued...
funny sometimes that when you do or say something you totally forget the most important things :
undies : i have a huge crush about underwear. not to the point of being aroused by undies themselves but i love to wear sexy underwear : thong, bikinis, micro-shorty, joscktrap.... i have tons. favourite brands : N2N, olaf benz, manstore... my collection extends to swimwear too. i should make a picture inventory someday :)
massages : i love being massaged. u dont get a lot from me after that though, as it makes me all relaxed and kinda sleepy. but i love that and have a great skin for that i was told... (i do massage too but kinda lazy)
rimmed : its great to have a long rimming n hole kissing. I appreciate the real thing, the one that non shy guys do, that is tongue fuck the hole and deep kissing it.
suck : yeah i suck. it's great to oral please a top, whorship his cock. I think my mouth definitely needs more training, as i wish i could deepthroat and being mouth fucked. it is said it depends most on practise, dunno if its true. any trainer out there ? ;-)
... to be continued...
9/1/10
Centers of (sexual) interest
What i'm into ? always a hard question to answer as it can be influenced by mood and partner. but let's try a first list, and i'll get back to the subjects later (maybe) :
- Bottom-ing : having my asshole streched and fucked by another manhood is probably one of the most delicious humiliation i repetedly experienced. love it, though i wished my asshole was more into taking it than it actually does.
- Spank-ed : i have a good/big ass as said, and love to be spanked. i mean seriously. it requires more talent than it seems, at first, to be a good spanker. I experienced most of the field, even some spank-only sessions (hand, wooden or leather paddle, belt, english cane...) I think i enjoy most hand or leather paddle so far, the others are too strong and intense for me...
- Bondage : i was a lot into that when i was younger. It requires quite some trust and connection with the guy that ties U so it's not that easy to do. Also because for me it's a sexual practise sel-sufficient when i do it. Meaning i love good bondage for the love of the art. (And hate poor made bondage as an arousal practise to get my holes. boring)
- Golden : yes i have been pissed at, in the face and in the mouth. it was one encounter, a guy i saw three times, i think who was a lot into it. never went back to it. probably not in the core of my stuff, i dont know exactly.
- Shaven : I'm not a lot into hairy. It applies to me (i'm very lightly hairy) and i shave most of my body (hassole, balls, arms, legs) and i ended with a slut tiny pubic. loves it, reminds me i take/took it up my ass. it's my own private infamous mark ;-) Broader, it seems to apply to my partners (rarely fuck with a really hairy guy)
- Black guys : when u go black, u never go back. black do it better. black are hot. love black men, crave for them. when i like i love. maybe my next bf will be black ? i think i'd love to.
- Latins / Macho guys : The guys who top me usually are macho guys. So after black guys, second turn on.
- Preliminaries : I'm not the kinda "drop my pant and fuck me right here" kind. I love probably as much the "before" as the "thing" itself. Kissing, cock n balls worshipping, getting rimmed, body-body contact... all is good to get my ass wet. It is one of the reason that made me figure out why i loved more some black or latin guys : no rush to explode my ass. And too many white guys i met were way too preoccupied to give only a long plow. bad luck i'm not a power bottom that can take it for hours... no jugement here, only my own corner of the world experience.
- Top : strangely, i can be top too. yeah i know, you won't find that obvious now. So i was a top until few years ago a friend a fuckbuddy of mine (we were sharing some bottoms) took my ass. like a cunt. his wife. loved it so HE is responsible for me being more interested in getting fucked now. But back to the subject, it happens i top and in fact dom top. Strangely the ones i top dont believe i'm a cunt and vice versa those who know me as cunt never believe i can fuck too. Anyway, as i never flip flop with the same guy, as i'm usually not attracted to the same types if it's for toping or getting it up the ass... it's fine. but i do. top. dominant. sometimes.
think i'm good for the first listing. any suggestions ? ;-)
- Bottom-ing : having my asshole streched and fucked by another manhood is probably one of the most delicious humiliation i repetedly experienced. love it, though i wished my asshole was more into taking it than it actually does.
- Spank-ed : i have a good/big ass as said, and love to be spanked. i mean seriously. it requires more talent than it seems, at first, to be a good spanker. I experienced most of the field, even some spank-only sessions (hand, wooden or leather paddle, belt, english cane...) I think i enjoy most hand or leather paddle so far, the others are too strong and intense for me...
- Bondage : i was a lot into that when i was younger. It requires quite some trust and connection with the guy that ties U so it's not that easy to do. Also because for me it's a sexual practise sel-sufficient when i do it. Meaning i love good bondage for the love of the art. (And hate poor made bondage as an arousal practise to get my holes. boring)
- Golden : yes i have been pissed at, in the face and in the mouth. it was one encounter, a guy i saw three times, i think who was a lot into it. never went back to it. probably not in the core of my stuff, i dont know exactly.
- Shaven : I'm not a lot into hairy. It applies to me (i'm very lightly hairy) and i shave most of my body (hassole, balls, arms, legs) and i ended with a slut tiny pubic. loves it, reminds me i take/took it up my ass. it's my own private infamous mark ;-) Broader, it seems to apply to my partners (rarely fuck with a really hairy guy)
- Black guys : when u go black, u never go back. black do it better. black are hot. love black men, crave for them. when i like i love. maybe my next bf will be black ? i think i'd love to.
- Latins / Macho guys : The guys who top me usually are macho guys. So after black guys, second turn on.
- Preliminaries : I'm not the kinda "drop my pant and fuck me right here" kind. I love probably as much the "before" as the "thing" itself. Kissing, cock n balls worshipping, getting rimmed, body-body contact... all is good to get my ass wet. It is one of the reason that made me figure out why i loved more some black or latin guys : no rush to explode my ass. And too many white guys i met were way too preoccupied to give only a long plow. bad luck i'm not a power bottom that can take it for hours... no jugement here, only my own corner of the world experience.
- Top : strangely, i can be top too. yeah i know, you won't find that obvious now. So i was a top until few years ago a friend a fuckbuddy of mine (we were sharing some bottoms) took my ass. like a cunt. his wife. loved it so HE is responsible for me being more interested in getting fucked now. But back to the subject, it happens i top and in fact dom top. Strangely the ones i top dont believe i'm a cunt and vice versa those who know me as cunt never believe i can fuck too. Anyway, as i never flip flop with the same guy, as i'm usually not attracted to the same types if it's for toping or getting it up the ass... it's fine. but i do. top. dominant. sometimes.
think i'm good for the first listing. any suggestions ? ;-)
once upon a... flu
Hi web.
it happened tonight. inspired by others, but also tempted by the experience, i did it. out on the web, naked. full exposure in a strange way. being sick and alone make u do strange things i guess. self exported from europe in the us, and a bit lonely as my few friends here are now gone, and moreover with a flu-like sickness, i jumped in the sex blog thing.
another experiment for me. after msn. after sex chats. after sexual networking. after random webcam chat. after naked picture website. dunno exactly where it will lead me.
just wanna share openly some sexual interests and wild thoughts and my dark side. And among them, those things you barely share with close friends.
strangely i feel like i'm already on my fours, back arched and hole exposed....
it happened tonight. inspired by others, but also tempted by the experience, i did it. out on the web, naked. full exposure in a strange way. being sick and alone make u do strange things i guess. self exported from europe in the us, and a bit lonely as my few friends here are now gone, and moreover with a flu-like sickness, i jumped in the sex blog thing.
another experiment for me. after msn. after sex chats. after sexual networking. after random webcam chat. after naked picture website. dunno exactly where it will lead me.
just wanna share openly some sexual interests and wild thoughts and my dark side. And among them, those things you barely share with close friends.
strangely i feel like i'm already on my fours, back arched and hole exposed....
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